How Nyree Started Homeschool

Today was Nyree's last day of school.  Ever.

Ok, perhaps not ever (I'm open to her returning at some point is she wants to) but from this afternoon, she officially entered homeschool.

Here's the catch: there are still two weeks left of school.

My and My Baby Girl

I've debated for a month about weather to allow her to finish a few weeks early.  She started at her new school in May and at first things seemed to be going well.  She enjoyed walking to school and seeing her "home" friends at school, and as an added bonus, her new class went to swimming lessons each week.

But as the weeks have gone on, the initial thrill has worn off.  Nyree has become more and more reluctant to to go to school and increasingly unhappy with life in general.  She didn't want to go to school for fun days like Sports Day and she started having trouble sleeping.   Since her brother is homeschooled, she began to ask me is she could be, too.

Lee and I wanted her to finish the year.  We are happy for her to homeschool from September but thought it important that she finish what she starts.

And then something unusual happened.

On Monday our car keys disappeared. 

In a house with four kids - including a maniacal toddler - this is a not uncommon occurrence.  In fact, it had happened the week before.  But this time, something felt wrong.  There was no confusion as to who last had the keys, where they were put down, or the usual memory lapses that lead to a large set of keys going missing.

Needless to say, Nyree and her dad walked to school and she arrived quite late.  By the time she came home, the keys still had not been recovered so I offered a reward - £5 to the kid who found them first.  They were back in my hands within minutes and the bounty hunter was paid.

Nyree was suddenly rich - at least by her standards.

It was clear Nyree was the thief and that she had hidden the keys on purpose.  I didn't confront her directly on the day - I had stipulated "no questions asked" - and I hoped that she would come clean in due course.

It didn't take long.

On Wednesday night, after a fun evening of roasting marshmallows and other Independence Day celebrations, Nyree was in  her room attempting to go to sleep.  Her hair was still in a bun from swimming and she was having trouble unpicking it.  As I stood behind her slowing pulling loose the strands, I asked her if anything else was the matter.  Suddenly, the floodgates opened.

She was absolutely, abjectly miserable at school.  She said her new teacher was constantly "tellling her off" and she didn't know why.  I asked for examples and she gave several:

• She was reprimanded for rubbing out a white board with her hands when she swore she hadn't;
• She was "caught" sitting in a chair when she had been told to stand by her teacher - but the only reason she was sitting was because the teaching assistant told her to, something the TA decided not to tell the teacher;
• She was "shouted at" for not promptly returning slips that needed signing by mom or dad.

There were other oddities as well.  Students are required to answer all yes/no questions posed by this teacher with a "yes, Mrs X, no Mrs X".  I appreciate this is "old school", but to Nyree, it was unaccountably authoritarian.  And then there was the consistent misspelling and mispronounciation of her name.  I understand how hard it is to to remember the names of 30 pupils and that Nyree is uncommon.  But in this case, the class is closer to 23 and Nyree started in May - long after the teacher should have learned everyone else's names, thus making it easy to learn Nyree.  There is no reason Nyree should ever have been addressed as "Nylee" or that this should have persisted for weeks.

Nyree felt fed up, angry, depressed and had simply had enough.  She begged me not to send her back.  And after weeks of thinking about it, I finally agreed.  She stayed home yesterday as her year group were on a visit to the middle school they would attend from September and today she went in for the last time.

I know there is another way this could have played out.  I should have arranged a meeting with her teacher, addressed the problems , and told Nyree she had to finish the year.  After all, you shouldn't quit something just because you don't like some of the people involved.  And kids should not get to decide when they go to school and when they get to stay home.  It sets a bad precedence to let them get away with this kind of thing.  How will she learn to deal with tough situations as an adult if she doesn't have to do it as a child?  I can't even be sure Nyree wasn't exaggerating.

Here's the thing.  Nyree is a good kid.  In fact, she is a great kid. She's the Good Girl in class who every teacher loves - she does well in every subject, is well behaved, and is kind to others.  I love these qualities in her, although it does make me worry that she is too eager to please.

And she has to cope with so much - a older brother with ASD which constantly disrupts her life and for which we all have to make daily accommodations, as well as two baby brothers with constant needs which dictate much of what we do on a daily basis.  I am certain that at times, she feels that her needs and wants are secondary to everyone else's.

I am also certain that she loved her old school and only consented to switching because she could see  how much it would mean to me and her father.  And I know she did her best to make a good go of it.

As my beautiful, kind daughter stood in her room, her matted hair stuck in bun that would not come undone, tears streaming down her face, I thought again of the choice I had to make.

We send our children to school so that they will learn.  We want them to acquire good academics and learn how to get along with others.  There is a lot of value in public education.

Unfortunately, those are not the only lessons our children learn at school.

I suspect this teacher is already in difficulty. Independent of Nyree's report, I have heard from other parents that Nyree's issues are not isolated.  I met with Nyree's head mistress this morning and she did not seem surprised by what I disclosed and was quite sympathetic to my decision.  The head mistress asked if I wished to speak to the teacher, and when I said that I did not think there was anything to be gained from that, she seemed quite relieved for me to leave the matter with her.

Although I only suspect it in this case, it is an undeniable fact that there are far too many tired, stressed out, under performing  and just plain old bad teachers in our schools.  We teach our children an important lesson when we send them back into these classrooms knowing full well the problems.

That is not a lesson I want Nyree to learn.  I chose to teach her something else instead.

Sometimes there are things that are more important than "sticking it out".  She doesn't always have to be the "Good Girl".  She doesn't always have to deny her needs and feelings just to keep others happy.  Her feelings matter - especially to me.  I hope she's learned that when she's backed into a corner and doesn't know who to trust, there is always someplace she can go.

I hope that after this week she's learned the most important lesson of all between a mother and daughter:  when the chips are down and she thinks no one will listen, mama will always have her back.

No school can teach her that.