William will be 11 in August and as such he should be starting high school in September. He has a place at one of the top two high schools (by exam results, not pupil happiness) in the county. Lee and I should be over the moon. William should be gagging with nervous excitement. All William has to do is turn up everyday for the next five years, pass his exams, get into college, pass more exams, get into the right university and away he goes.
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| Image courtesy of smittenbybritain.com |
Somehow I don't think it's going to work out like this.
William, as you know, has Asperger's Syndrome. He has been out of school since Christmas because he finds school very stressful. But he is also incredibly bright and has the potential to achieve great things, if only Lee and I can help William believe he can do anything he sets his mind to. Once he realizes what he is capable of and how rich is the world around him and what it has to offer - and what he has to offer in return - there will be no stopping him. William has an amazing knowledge of wild life - I am convinced I gave birth to the next David Attenborough.
Yesterday, I paid a visit to this new high school at the request of the EWO (educational welfare officer - these are the people who track you down when your child doesn't have good attendance. Think truant officer with a nice smile). I thought I would be meeting with her and the teacher who will be the head of year 7 which is the year William will be entering in September. Instead, I found myself in a room with two EWOs, two Autism Support Unit ladies, the school SENCO (special educational needs co-ordinator) and another lady from the school whose purpose continues to elude me.
Now, were I not a school savy and professionally educated woman, I might have been overwhelmed by this show of force. It was all very well intentioned, to be sure, but as I sat there listening to these very worthy women, I had visions of the road to hell. Talk about nanny state over-kill.
They want to place William in "set 3". Set 1 is for the able and talented students. Apparently they think William requires in-class assistance in all of his subjects and this is only available in set 3. So, according to these educational professionals, the more able sets are not appropriate for William.
What? Are they nuts? He's never had in-class assistance and never needed it. He doesn't have a learning disability. One of William's major issues is his boredom in school. He can out read and write any pupil in his class. His vocabulary is off the charts and he discusses things like philosophy and the theory of relativity with anyone who will participate - his capacity for abstract thinking is phenomenal! But instead, this school seems to think William needs a TA to help him manage in his lessons in case he can't cope.
He can't cope because he's bored and he finds the demands of teachers ("do your best but you only have 30 minutes" - Will can't even get warmed up in 30 minutes so in his mind, he can't start the work) both capricious and contradictory. He can't cope because the school system doesn't allow him the time or space for his mind to take flight. He's out of school because he's tired of the one-size fits all formula of our factory model schools.
When I went to that meeting, I had an open mind. After witnessing William's pleasure at being with his friends on Saturday, I wasn't so sure that homeschooling was right for William. By the time I got home from this meeting, however, I was not only convinced homeschooling was right, I was pissed off, too.
Don't get me wrong. As a former public school teacher, I believe in the mission of public schools and I believe that they are good places and do good work. But the reality is, they fit a certain type of student, one who enjoys doing homework, sitting quietly, taking notes, and towing the line. They aren't so good at creative thinking or inspiring intellectual leaps or personal development. They don't, to use a cliche, help a young person be all that they can be.
The consequences of a poor educational experience can be life altering. I struggled for years to force my eldest son, Ian, to conform to expectations. Ian is a classic case of "very bright, could achieve more, must try harder". I heard that message every year from the time he started kindergarten. In his high school years, I told him to study more and play guitar less. I tried to be understanding and "cool". Lee took a more direct approach and told Ian to "buck up his ideas". In his quiet way, Ian refused to listen to either of us. He still passed his exams - and got an A in math despite predictions to the contrary. Then I wanted him to go to university. Ian wanted something else. He went off to China to teach English and is now in Virginia looking for work while he tries to figure out how to make it as a musician. He also reads Dante and studies music theory for fun. My son is educated, but I know he struggles with self-confidence and negotiating the distance between being who he is supposed to be and what I expect of him.
I realize now that I can either support Ian in achieving his own dreams for his life, or I can continue to tell him he isn't good enough and needs to try harder - the same message he heard through all his years at school. Being a musician, even a struggling one, is much better for my son than being a person who struggles to accept themselves. Ian is meant to be the person he chooses to be, and my job is to help his get there. Luckily for us, Ian still has time to unlearn some of the negative messages he's received.
My sister, Aimee, was not so lucky. She was undoubtedly the smartest woman I ever knew. She was in MENSA at six but almost flunked out of school because she couldn't conform to the system. She hated homework - why do it when she would get an A on the test anyway? She was a talented singer and actress but also had a brain for chemistry and biology. She could have been great doctor, blending brilliance with compassion. But she never had a chance. The school system wouldn't let her be who she needed to be. She was constantly "failing" to achieve the system's expectations. Sadly, Aimee passed away at 38 after many years of trouble and self-doubt.
To be sure, Aimee's troubles were not just with school. But had she been given an opportunity to let her mind and spirit fly, to pursue her talents with reckless abandon, what mountains could she have climbed? She once said she was always afraid. Perhaps she could have managed that fear had she just a little bit more confidence and belief in her own ability to succeed.
A few weekends ago Nyree and I visited the Tower of London. They keep a group of ravens there and legend has it, as long as the ravens remain, the Tower will never fall. William has become a bird expert and is particularly interested in corvids (the crow family). He chose not to come with us to the Tower (too many people for his liking) but instead spent the day birdwatching in Hampstead Heath. He's keen to see ravens in the wild, but apparently these particular birds are quite reclusive and he's not been lucky. When I told him of the Tower ravens he told me that he never wanted to see them and knowing they were there depressed him. "A raven belongs in the wild, far from people, where their natural curiosity and commitment to their family can thrive. You know those ravens have clipped wings, right? They aren't happy."
I want William to have the chance to fly. I want William's mind and spirit to rejoice in the sheer pleasure of exploration. I don't want his wings to be clipped by the system so that he can be a nice, well-behaved bird on show for my friends and the world at large. It will crush him. He won't be happy. I already know where that leads.
So homeschooling it is. It will be amazing and terrifying and I won't have any regrets. Unlike a lot of parents, I have a chance to learn from my mistakes with my eldest and to to do better by his younger brother.
William has a bright future ahead of him. For now, that means learning at home, where his natural curiosity has a chance to thrive.
It's going to be good.
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